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Lavender Calligraphy

from Liminal Rite by Kardashev

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about

“Inside the dresser
That was there far before I could stand,
Your molded letter
Folded there in a drawer left unsent.”

The sewing cabinet, his mother’s favorite possession, weakly leans against the wall. A leg is broken and the doors have been ripped off. The white paint has peeled and betrays the splintered, buckled wood beneath. Stepping inside, The Lost Man sees the trappings of nature’s reclamation: Spiderwebs in the rafters, illuminated by light pouring in through a hole in the ceiling, Vines and termite trails trace a filigree along the walls, and the floor wears a carpet of mold, moss, and animal beds. He pulls open a drawer, forcing it against its will. Flooded with memory, his mother’s old prayer book sits torn and warped. The pages crack open to reveal a pressed lavender flower and the written whisperings of a woman struggling against love and fear.

The Lost man closes the prayer book. How did he not see how much pain he had caused his mother? How did he not know that his regret would bleed him dry, and spread to his family for the disease that it was? Placing the book back inside, he notices a folded piece of paper, yellowed by time and damp. Opening it, he reads her apology. The letter was written years after he left. Reading the plea for him to come back causes his knees to buckle and his hands to grip his chest. He had come back, but far too late.

lyrics

O, Lavender Calligraphy,
You who exist behind every letter!
A faint voice, if I listen…
What was your name again?

Here’s the flower I picked,
“I’m sorry”
That I pressed in the pages before.
“O, god, those weren’t the things that I meant”
Filled with prayers that she made,
“Resentment”
That I locked away deep in the drawer.
“It was you who said that I’d be dead”

Oh she made her mistakes!
Silhouette of a phantom I know.

“Son, you know that you’re going to hell”
Distant voice of a girl who once ran from her father.
Looking back now I know, it was fear.
Loss again -
An explosion
A match.
I live on that day.
I live in that room.
Folding quilts and avoiding her eyes
Dead regret!
Chitin shell underground.

Inside the dresser
That was there far before I could stand,
Your molded letter
Folded there in a drawer left unsent.
“I love you forever,
I like you for always
For as long as you’re with me.”
What was your name again?

credits

from Liminal Rite, released June 10, 2022

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about

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Kardashev Tempe, Arizona

Kardashev is a Progressive Death Metal band focusing on themes of technology, selflessness, love, and altruism. Newly signed to Metal Blade Records, Kardashev is heading the charge toward solidifying the sound of "Deathgaze".

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